Dealing with Death and the Grieving Process

Dealing with death and the grieving process

Hi Friends,

I know I’ve been quiet on my blog the past week. Mark’s grandfather passed away, and we have been healing emotionally and working together as a family to make arrangements and help everyone through this transition. This is the first time someone I have been very close to has passed into Spirit, and throughout the process I have been observing how I am reacting and how I feel. Even though I have been emotionally upset, I am also fascinated by the grieving process. I know we all experience the loss of a loved one at some point in our lives, and I have a few experiences/insights I would like to share with you.

Begging for a Sign
As soon as Mark’s grandfather died, I asked him to show me that he was okay. I knew he was, but I still wanted proof. It was so important to me that he visit. I thought, “If I know for a fact that Spirits are okay once they leave the physical body, and I have even communicated with them in the past, and yet I am still begging for a sign—-how must people who don’t have that kind of connection feel? Their desire for a sign must be a hundred times what mine is.” I felt a lot of compassion for people who wonder if their loved ones are okay. It’s common to ask for a sign from loved ones in Spirit, and they will definitely send them, but sometimes we have certain expectations that lead us to overlook the signs they are sending to us.

Releasing Expectations
As Mark and I were spending time in his grandfather’s house the day after his passing, I told him in my mind to knock something over. I asked him to appear in front of me. I kept asking and kept asking, and it didn’t happen. It was only two days later that I realized he had sent a sign, but I had overlooked it because I had expected him to knock something over. I overlooked seeing the energy moving in front of me, indicating a Spirit present, because it didn’t fully form into an image of him. I overlooked the fact that I started talking like him, using phrases he used and was even sitting like him. I found myself sitting hunched over, leaning to the right, and finding it difficult to sit up straight. I was literally channeling him in those moments, and I completely overlooked it. Since that day, he has sent many signs – in a license plate, through other people, in a mediumship reading I did for my mother, and in many other ways.

I have spoken to other people who say their loved ones have never sent a sign, and I wonder if they were experiencing the same thing I was. Maybe they have expectations of what signs to look for, and they are missing the obvious ways their loved ones are coming through for them. So if you are looking for a sign from your loved one – or from your Spirit Guides – release your expectations of how the sign or message will come to you. Be open to receiving it in ways you can’t even imagine right now. Ask, release your expectations, and you will recognize the sign when it comes to you.

The Roles We Play
I’ve also recognized the different roles people play in the grieving process. Some members of our family are highly tuned into their emotions and pick up on and express their grief as well as the grief of other family members. Other people appear detached and go immediately into practical, problem-solving mode. This may appear cold to the emotional people, but I’ve come to see it as another way of expressing love. They are expressing their love for the person who has passed by doing their best to take care of their physical belongings and the practical needs of the family. So I’ve been able to observe how different members of our family are grieving without judging how they are grieving. Everyone has a role to play. If we were all emotional, nothing would get done. If we were all practical, no one would connect to their memories and heal their emotions, which is also a necessary part of grieving. So whenever you are dealing with a loved one passing, try to recognize the role each person is playing, and try to see each role as an expression of love. This prevents a lot of hurt feelings and arguments 🙂

We All Pass Into Spirit
The final thing I would like to comment on is that even if the people we love have no belief in the Spirit World when they are alive, they still pass into Spirit and are okay. They continue their journey of learning in Spirit, just like everyone else. My first proof of this came after my grandfather died. He sent me a message one day to tell my grandmother (who is very spiritual) that “now he knows.” Apparently he didn’t believe in an afterlife until after he died.

Mark’s grandfather was the most closed-minded person I have ever met when it came to psychic ability, intuition, Spirits, or anything spiritual. He was an engineer, a wonderful man, but he didn’t even have an iota of awareness about intuition, energy, or spirits. I even asked him one day, “Haven’t you ever walked into a home and felt immediately if the people are happy or if the relationships are tense?” I thought everyone had experienced this, but he had no clue what I was talking about. It didn’t matter. When we would have a conversation like this, I smiled to myself, knowing that as soon as he passed, he would come to me and start talking. I told myself that I would tell him, “I’m sorry, I can’t hear you. You don’t exist, remember?” But when the time came, I forgot all about that and was just happy to hear from him.

I feel like this is especially important for spiritual people to know. It doesn’t matter if your loved one who has passed was spiritual in life or not. We all go back to Spirit. We don’t go in the fiery pits of hell. We just go onto the next stage of our learning process. We are free from our physical pains. We are more aware, and we are all okay.

Stars

I hope these thoughts and observations help you when you are grieving the loss of your loved ones. Remember to give yourself time to heal. Nurture yourself. Have compassion as you experience different mood swings, feelings of being tired, or anything else. Treat yourself with love. Also, recognize the people around you are grieving as well and aren’t intentionally trying to irritate you 🙂

Sending you love,

Melanie Jade

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  • Karina Mecchia

    Hi Melanie
    This post came at the perfect time for me. My friend took her life on Saturday and she is being buried today. Her departing was not nice. She was sick mentally and physically before she chose to leave this world. I have experienced many close deaths in my life but they have always affected me differently. This one has left me heavy, sad and confused. I can’t seem to shake it.I am clairaudient and hear my spiritual family and spirit of passed ones easily but I am unable to hear her. I almost feel too scared too, and thats a first for me.Thank you for the work you do and for being a shining light for us all.Karina 🙂

    • http://www.melaniejaderummel.com/ Melanie Jade Rummel

      Hi Karina,
      I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. I can’t imagine what you must be going through. It is interesting how each death feels differently, as you said. Also, I feel like some aspects of my grieving process seem “normal”, and other aspects don’t seem to make any sense. 

      I’m thankful that sharing my experience was helpful for you. When we were waiting for Mark’s grandfather’s body to be taken away, a security guard from his retirement home was in the room with us. He started telling us stories from when his mother passed away. For a split second, I was shocked that he felt that it was appropriate to share his story (I know that sounds bad, but that was the first jolt of emotion I felt). But as I listened, I felt comforted by his story. We all did. It was like his sharing connected us all. It made us realize we weren’t alone in what we were feeling. My husband and I have spoken of that moment and how comforting it was to hear his story many times in the past week. We are so thankful for that moment. I know for me, when I’m upset I want to go in my shell. I don’t want to talk to anyone, I don’t want anyone to hug or touch me, I just want to be alone. But eventually I felt the nudge to share some of what I’ve been feeling this week in this article, and I’m so thankful that it has been meaningful to you and to other people who have contacted me. 

      Sending you love and many blessings, healing energy, peace, and understanding. I pray that you find moments of peace and comfort during this time of grieving and that you nurture your Spirit and give yourself time to heal. 

      Melanie Jade

      • Kristina

        Thank you so much Melanie.:) you have no idea how much this means to me. I’ve been having such a rough time, and this really helps.:)

  • Kremmen

    you inspire me and thank you
     

    • http://www.melaniejaderummel.com/ Melanie Jade Rummel

      Thank you for letting me know, Kremmen! That means a lot to me 🙂 Sending love and many blessings your way! – Melanie Jade

  • Kristina

    This is beautifully written! I’ve been searching for some help with grieving. My friend just recently passed, and I’m having a very difficult time with it. This came at the perfect time.:) thank you for your inspiration words!

    • http://MelanieJadeRummel.com/ Melanie Jade Rummel

      Hi Kristina, I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. I am glad that my article could offer some comfort.

      The biggest thing that helped me when I was grieving was to remember to have patience with myself. We went right into preparations for the memorial service, cleaning out his belongings, and talking with family, and I didn’t take time to just feel and do whatever I needed to heal until a month later. I thought I should feel better more quickly, but I didn’t. I had to keep reminding myself to have patience and allow myself whatever time I needed to grieve.

      Even though you know your friend is okay now and free of any physical pain, it doesn’t make the loss of your friend’s physical presence easier to bear. I encourage you to treat yourself well and give yourself the nurturing you need. Don’t give yourself a time limit. Just allow yourself the natural process of coming to terms with this new reality. However long it takes is okay.

      I think in our modern society, so many of us have detached from emotions or think they are a hindrance to progress. We expect ourselves to be these emotionless robots, and if people feel any emotion at all, they want to take a pill to make it go away.

      This is your friend who has passed. It’s natural to be upset. It’s natural to grieve. When you block your sadness or wish it away, it will just take longer to heal. Let it flow through you. Observe it without attachment, and know that at some point, you will not feel this much grief. At some point you will just focus on the great friendship you had and the wonderful memories you have. At some point you might see signs of your friend to let you know they are still with you, and it may bring a smile and a sense of comfort to you. Until then, love yourself, just like your friend would want you to. It’s okay to grieve. It’s normal. Just be patient and give yourself lots of love.

      Sending you lots of love,

      Melanie 🙂

      • Kristina

        I’m sorry. My computer seems to have glitches and I replied under the wrong person’s. But thank you so much for your help. I can’t begin to explain how much his passing has effected me. A piece of me is now missing, but you have given me peace of mind and I thank you so much.:)

        • http://MelanieJadeRummel.com/ Melanie Jade Rummel

          Hi Kristina, I’m so glad I was able to help. Sending you lots of love – Melanie 🙂