Maybe you’ve noticed I haven’t been writing everyday like I did last month. I’m going to just tell myself you all noticed, even if you didn’t, in order to stroke my ego 🙂 Anyhoo, first I didn’t write as much because we were so busy moving out of our storage unit and selling our things. Then, I didn’t write because every time I did I would just start writing about how terrified I am and how I was crying every five minutes, and I thought that wouldn’t make the most uplifting post. Pah ha ha ha!! Seriously, I have been on a roller coaster of emotions lately, and the other day I even wondered why I was thinking of moving in the first place. Most of my emotions center around moving away from my mom, whom I love and adore. She always knows what to say to make me laugh. I love her so much. Oh, there go the waterworks again…
Selling everything has also been emotional for me, which I’m pretty surprised about. The other day, I cried in the garage as Mark and I talked about selling an antique mirror we have. A mirror, people! I cried over a mirror! Ridiculous. I started blubbering and said something to Mark about how we put that mirror up in our first apartment together, and if we sell that and everything else, we won’t have anything in our house 20 years from now that we can look at and say, “Remember before we were married and we ripped out the ugly bathroom mirror in our apartment and put this antique one up?” It’s as if part of me feels like getting rid of the stuff will also erase our memories. The conversation ended with us both agreeing to keep the mirror 🙂
Of course, I’m also wondering, as I do when we begin every adventure, how in the world we are going to pull this off. Thank goodness, in times like these, I have written some articles to help get past my fears. By the way, I often find that the articles I write are written to teach me and remind me of different things at the perfect timing. It was no accident that I wrote two whole articles about what to do when you feel fearful just the other week. So as I was freaking out, I would stop and flip through the different options in my head, choose one that would work for me in that moment, and then take a relieved breath when it worked. Five minutes later, I’d go through the process again – HA!
In the midst of these emotions, I have had some neat experiences. I had a really cool experience a few days ago. I woke up feeling yucky, and Mark and I had plans to go to brunch with his grandfather. I was lying in bed, trying to get a few more minutes of sleep and feeling really drained, and I felt someone stroking my hair. Just in case it was actually a bug crawling on me, I swatted at my head and looked around. No bug. Phew! I lay down again, and I felt the stroking of my hair in the same place. Mark and I went to brunch, and I felt the stroking a couple times a minute for most of the day. It was so nice! I don’t know who was with me, but I felt like I wasn’t alone and that I was loved and being looked after.
This morning, I had a dream that involved a lady talking about her grandfather, Apple. I said to myself (during the dream), “Apple! That’s in California!” Then, just before I woke up, I flashed through different moments of the dream when I’d needed something and it had just appeared. My narrator voice said, “See, all I need is provided.” I took that as a comforting and reassuring message, for sure.
Also, every time we sell a piece of furniture, we have a great conversation with the people we’re selling it to. They have all been so nice, and funny enough, they have all had a connection with California. One day we were helping a guy load some bedroom furniture into his truck, and he asked where we were moving to. Mark said, “San Francisco.” The guy said he has an ex-girlfriend who lives there. Then he said, “Well actually, just north of San Francisco, in Mill Valley.” Mill Valley is the town we’re planning to move to. As we were on the way to meet this guy, we were driving and talking to my mother-in-love. I was telling her about all the signs we’ve been getting, and then I saw a huge sign right in front of us that said “MARIN.” Mill Valley is in Marin County. A few days ago we sold our chairs to a really nice lady who had just moved from California, so she was giving us tips on which roads to take and vehicle options (car vs. moving truck). Her suggestions were so helpful and cleared up a lot of questions that had been roaming around in my head for a while. Yea for signs!
Following one of the tips in my first article about what to do when you feel fearful, Mark and I decided to drop everything yesterday and go for a walk by the lake. While we were walking, we made many decisions regarding our trip that we feel great about, including a moving date. We both feel so much better now. Now, we’re going to have a chit chat about our trip, so I’ve gotta go, so here are a couple of pics from our walk yesterday:
I hope you have a great day!
Melanie Jade 🙂